Made-up stuff

How I entertain myself, sometimes.


Signs out front of the Upper Buckhaven First Presbyterian Church, penned by the preacher after his wife left him.

January: Come to church now that your false god is back at the North Pole.

February: Peace in your heart or heart in pieces? Hey, it’s your life.

March: At the end of the rainbow is your pot of gold. Bring the contents to the offertory Sunday.

April: We know what April showers bring, but what are your actions bringing?

May: Look around. If all you see is flowers and sadness, we told you so.

June: In high summer, the son shines to reveal things hidden in darkness, and he is quite appalled at what he sees there, Kyle.

July: Freedom isn’t free, but free will seems questionable also.

August: If you can’t take the heat, read your bible. If you can’t read, you’re going to hell.

September: Back to school? You should have been coming to Sunday School this whole time.

October: Don’t be tricked by treats of the flesh. It’s probably not actually human meat.

November: Give thanks, even if you’re the turkey! Unless you’re the turkey that’s sleeping with my wife.

December: Go ahead and take the X out of Xmas. It’s hard to watch porn with all these kids around anyways.

ListLaura Rees